God speaks to me and disproves evolution

Yesterday God spoke to me. I didn't realize it at first. I thought it
was just some senile and sick old woman wiping her ass with everything
she could reach because she had diarrhea in bed and wanted to fling
shit everywhere. Naturally, I couldn't stop her, I was busy, just far
enough away to know what was happening. When I was able to clean up
the mess, shit was everywhere... pads, the bed, sheets, blankets, her
nightgown, the floor, the wall...

Then I noticed a bible lying around. Yes, shit was on it too. But I
still didn't realize what had happened.

Then today, it hit me. God had spoken. Much like being in church, the
place had smelled bad. Too much shit was there... therefore it must
have been created out of nothing. And I'd nearly vomited, which I
would do if I had fish made out of stale, moldy bread, like God uses
when he makes fish, or wine that's made of water and looks yellowish.
Which means it was a genuine miracle. God have made shit from nothing,
and left me to clean in up, with horrible vapors in the air, which is
generally how God treats people.

And now I've grasped the significance. I've always wondered how people
evolved from monkees when most of them are dumber than monkees. The
truth is, we haven't, at least not anymore. The cinderella effect is
wearing off... it's long past midnight, and we're turning back into
monkees... and have been monkees the whole time. We never evolved. Our
shit did. We learned to spew it from our other end, because we didn't
have enough to throw at each other, and our words were easier to make
than more shit, and we generally weren't so fond of the stench, which
hits us when we're throwing our shit just as much as it hits the
person hit with our shit. But now, we don't need words. God has
returned, and he can make shit out of nothing. Personally, I'm going
to stick with words, as I'm not fond of the smell, but then again,
I've always been that way about religion.